Signs of Abuse: Information continued from the book A Betrayal of Innocence by David Peters.
Behavioral Indicators of Sexual Abuse in Infants and Preschoolers
- Being uncomfortable around previously trusted persons
- Sexualized behavior (sexual play which involves explicit sexual actions about which the child should have no knowledge.) Determine the source of the child’s knowledge.
- Fear of restrooms, shower, or baths (common locations of abuse)
- Fear of being alone with men or boys
- Nightmares on a regular basis or about the same person
- Abrupt personality changes
- Uncharacteristic hyperactivity
- Moodiness, excessive crying
- Aggressive or violent behavior toward other children
- Clinging behavior which may take the form of separation anxiety
- Passive or withdrawn behavior
When a parent or caretaker talks casually and calmly, most young children will readily reveal any abuse that has taken place. It is when the child senses fear or emotional instability that she might refuse to reveal the source of the discomfort. The worst thing a parent can do is to ignore indicators of sexual abuse in the hope that nothing really happened to the child and that the suspect behavior will soon disappear of its own accord.
Behavioral Indicators of Sexual Abuse in Latency Age Children (6-12) Response is more passive.
- Being uncomfortable around someone previously trusted.
- Specific knowledge of sexual facts and terminology beyond developmental age.
- Sexualized behavior, seductive toward peers and adults.
- Wearing multiple layers of clothing, especially to bed.
- Parentified behavior (acts like a little parent)
- Fear of being alone with men or boys
- Fear of restrooms, etc.
- Constant, unexplained anxiety, tension, fear
- Frequent tardiness or absence from school, especially if the male caretaker writes the excuses.
- Attempts to make herself ugly or undesirable (poor personal hygiene)
- Eating disorders.
- Self-conscious behavior, especially regarding body
- Reluctance to go home after school
- Abrupt personality changes
- Child acquires toys or money with no explanation
- Wetting of bed or clothing after being “broken” of that problem
- Nightmares
- Change in sleeping habits (tries to stay up late or seems constantly tired)
- Moodiness
- Unusual need for assurance of love
- Regressive behavior (fantasies or infantile behavior)
- Uncharacteristic aggressive or violent behavior
- Tendency to seek out or totally avoid adults
- Inability to relate to peers
- Running away, especially in a child normally not a behavioral problem.
Behavioral Indicators of Sexual Abuse in Adolescents. Responses tend to be more action oriented.
- Sexualized behavior (promiscuity, prostitution, sexual abuse of younger children, etc)
- Running away
- Drug and alcohol abuse
- Suicidal gestures or attempts
- Self-mutilation (cutting)
- Extreme hostility toward a parent or caretaker
- Parentified behavior (little mother)
- Self-conscious behavior, especially regarding body
- Wearing multiple layers of clothing,
- Eating disorders (usually obesity)
- Sleeping problems
- Constant fear or anxiety
- Delinquent behavior
- School problems (academic or behavioral)
- Defiance or compliance to an extreme
- Friends tend to be older.
Behavioral Indicators of Sexual abuse in Adults
Adults who have been sexually victimized as children seldom volunteer that information to counselors. They may not be trying to be secretive, they just don’t have any idea of the relationship between their previous abuse and their present problems.
- Sexual difficulties (usually regarding intimacy issues, frigidity)
- Distrust of the opposite sex
- Inappropriate choice of partners (chooses a dependent partner and/or abuser)
- Progressive breakdown of communication and eventual emotional detachment from children
- Multiple marriages.
- Extreme dependence upon or anger toward a parent.
- Sexual promiscuity (or alternating between periods of preoccupation with or revulsion of sexual activity.
- Drug or alcohol abuse
- Extremely low self-esteem
- Nightmares or flashbacks
- Continual victimization (seemingly unable to assert or protect herself)
- May see self-worth only in sexuality
- Eating disorders (usually obesity)
- Self-punishing behaviors
- Homosexual orientation
- Body shame (extreme self-consciousness)
Many thousands of hours of counseling time have been wasted trying to resolve symptoms without ever discovering the root of the problem.
Family Indicators of Child Sexual abuse
- Role reversal between mother and daughter
- Extreme over-protectiveness or jealousy toward a child by a parent (no contact with peers and adults outside the home)
- Inappropriate sleeping arrangements (child with parent)
- Prolonged absence of one parent from the home (death, divorce etc.)
- Mother who is often ill or is disabled.
- Extreme lack of communication between caretakers.
- Inordinate participation of father in family (father may interact very little or may insist on being in charge of all family activities)
- Extreme paternal dominance of the spouse (mother is not allowed to drive or to talk to school personnel, etc.)
- Work or activity schedules which result in a caretaker (especially the male) spending large amounts time alone with a child or children.
- Extreme favoritism shown to a child (father may spend a lot of time and attention on one daughter)
- Severe overreaction by parent to any sex education offered a child
- Caretaker who has been sexually abused as a child
- Geographic isolation of a family
- Overcrowding in a home15. Family has no social or personal support systems.
- Alcohol or drug abuse within a family.
The best source of information is the child. The best way to get to the truth is to ask the child about what caused the problem, remembering to approach the subject casually, calmly, and privately.
Children seldom report their abuse directly. Most children will drop verbal hints about what has happened and then wait for a response. They may relate the problem of a “friend” who has been approached sexually by an adult. Seldom will they pursue the matter further if the adult they are talking to seems uninterested or emotionally threatened.
What we as adults do in response to such a report can literally mean the difference between devastation and health in the emotional lives of these children.
End quotes from book.
This is hard to post…. but we must know the truth! Sexual abuse harms everyone!