Suggested Books List

BOOK RESOURCE LIST
The habit of reading/listening to books is similar to what dentists say about using toothpaste—the one particular brand you use is not the important thing, but that you use some every day!! Likewise, read or listen a little every day–there are many trustworthy and excellent authors. If you’re looking for a starting point, this list may help. Also, these authors have many other excellent books. Note recommended books within these books to continue in your interest area. If you cannot find a certain book in your library or in a bookstore, try Amazon.com or E-bay.

Books to develop any relationship and to help us understand each other. It’s a life-long process!:
Personality Plus (temperaments) by Florence Littauer
This is an excellent book on normal strengths and weaknesses of the four different temperaments. This was the first book God used in helping me to know myself. Then I could start understanding other people!
The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D
How to thrive in an extrovert world. Excellent and encouraging book if you have a phlegmatic and/or melancholy temperament—or live with an introvert!!
Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
This book helped me not only to understand myself, but also what is healthy interaction between people, between churches, and between family members. There are several “Boundaries” books now by the same authors—for marriage, for children, for dating, etc.
Telling Each Other the Truth by William Backus (He has many good books)

Marital Issues:
Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
The love she most desires; the respect he desperately needs. A top priority book for marriages!
The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman
Another top priority book for marriages!
Hedges—by Jerry Jenkins.
Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It
The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner
A Christian guide to sexual fulfillment—extremely detailed, not a book to put on your bookshelf—regard it as a text book. However, many adults have unconsciously accepted and believed the lies that our culture, TV, and movies have portrayed. Also victims of abuse may not know what normal is…

If you are a parent:
Dr. James Dobson’s books naturally!

Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman (another author with many good books!)

If you are an adult child of divorce:
Generation Ex by Jen Abbas
Adult children of divorce and the healing of our pain

If there has been any kind of abuse in the past, especially sexual abuse:
A Betrayal of Innocence by David Peters
What everyone should know about child sexual abuse.
A Door of Hope by Jan Frank
For all who have been victims of sexual abuse….recognizing and resolving the pains of your past
Breaking Free by Beth Moore (Book and audio set; also book and video set)
Making liberty in Christ a reality in life

If you/they are a child of alcoholic parent(s) or even alcoholic grandparents:
A Time to Heal by Timmen Cermak
There are a lot of adult emotional/relational issues that stem from growing up in an alcoholic home.

If you/they come from a dysfunctional church background:
The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson & Jeff VanVonderen
Recognizing and escaping spiritual manipulation and false spiritual authority within the church

If you/they are in a spiritual mismatch:
Surviving A Spiritual Mismatch In Marriage by Lee Strobel (with Leslie Strobel)

If you/they are living in a step-family:
The Smart Step Family by Ron L. Deal
Learn practical, realistic solutions to the issues that stepfamilies face.

If you/they are dealing with older parent/child issues:
Father Hunger by Robert S McGee
In the hearts of many men and women is a hollow place. We long for the blessing that only a father can give.
The Mom Factor by Gary Smalley (and Dr. John Townsend)
Dealing with the mother you had, didn’t have, or still contend with.

If you/they are struggling with possible temptations and addictions:
Change Your Heart; Change Your Life by Gary Smalley
How changing what you believe will give you the great life you’ve always wanted.
Excellent book for all of life!
Every Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn (with Fred Stoeker and Mike Yorkey)
Every man’s guide to winning the war on sexual temptation one victory at a time
(Many other similar books for different groups of people…very good)
Feeding Your Appetites by Stephen Arterburn
Take control of what’s controlling you
Lose It for Life by Stephen Arterburn (with Dr. Linda Mintle)
The total solution for permanent weight loss—Arterburn lost 60 pounds twenty years ago and has kept it off.
A Woman’s Answer to Anger by Annie Chapman
Getting your emotions under control
Anger—Handling a powerful emotion in a healthy way by Gary Chapman

If you are struggling with forgiveness:
Caring Enough To Forgive—True Forgiveness
Caring Enough to Not Forgive—False Forgiveness by David Augsburger Mennonite background,
(Two books in one. Best books I’ve read on forgiveness)

If you’re struggling to get daily routines into place:
Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley–The FlyLady
Overwhelmed? Disorganized? Living in Chaos? (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome?) The FlyLady’s simple FLYing lessons will show you how to get your home and your life in order.
Website: Flylady.net Very helpful.

Remember that many books will not be relevant to you until you are in certain stages. Read anyway– but you’ll understand with your heart as you grow and put principles into practice!! It’s the same way the Bible opens up to us as we grow older and live life. The Bible didn’t change–we changed and our needs changed. Similarly, build on what other people have already learned and are sharing! You’re not alone!

21 Beliefs of a Toxic Faith–Stephen Arterburn

Taken from the book TOXIC FAITH by Stephen Arterburn

Faith becomes toxic when individuals use God or religion for profit, power, pleasure, and/or prestige. These four preoccupations are the foundation of any addiction and must be excised from faith.

Toxic faith never happens overnight. Beware of these three criteria–material gain, self-importance and the urge to dominate others.

Twenty-One Beliefs of a Toxic Faith (Even if it’s only one toxic belief that we are susceptible to, we still must recognize it and change it to conform to biblical truth.)

The following are the most common beliefs of a toxic faith.
1. Conditional Love—God’s love and favor depend on my behavior. They turn to a faith in self rather than a faith in God. Restoration comes from worshiping God for who He is and trusting him to provide for one’s needs.

2. Instant Peace—When tragedy strikes, true believers should have a real peace about it. The desire for instant peace in the midst of tragedy leads to denial, unresolved emotions and a complete split from reality. There is a natural protective “shock” that occurs with tragedy.

The true believer will find peace, but it will be on the other side of resolving the rage that comes with almost every lost expectation. People need time to resolve emotions. Having said all that, there are some supernatural interventions by God to provide peace to persons in the midst of extreme pain. Tragedies bring various responses. God does not seem to deal with them or the people affected by them, in a predictable manner.

Lack of peace does not mean lack of faith. People in pain do not need sermons on peace. They need love, care, and assistance through the healing process.

Remember, faith in God will produce a peace that goes beyond understanding. It probably won’t be an instant peace, but it will be a real peace.

3. Guaranteed Healing—If I have real faith, God will heal me or someone I am praying for.
God doesn’t work that way. If our child remains sick, faith will help us adapt to His will, understand it better, and grow from and through it. It is a fact that God heals some and not others. One’s degree of faith does not bind the divine will of God. God does not deal with everyone in the same way. We cannot control God with our prayers.

4. Irreproachable Clergy—All ministers are men/women of God and can be trusted. Even ministers who remain faithful, must be seen as flawed and imperfect no matter how full of integrity. They cannot be the ultimate authority on every area of life. If a defective pastor turns up, people attribute all the evil of that one individual to all people of faith. Just because a particular individual lacks pure faith does not mean that the object of faith is also impure. For everyone who falters in the faith, there are thousands who remain faithful and true.

5. Monetary Rewards—Material blessings are a sign of spiritual strength. Our materialistic society often measures people by the amount of money they make or the car they drive. If you believe the more faithful you are, the more money you will gain, you can look forward to great disappointment.

God often tempers a faithful follower in the fires of loss and financial poverty. These tested saints seem to prove that when all you have left is God, you get as much of God as you possibly can. The comforts of wealth often rob people of dependency on God.

6. Investment tithing.—The more money I give to God, the more money he will give to me. God is not a financial investment opportunity. Tithing is an act of worship and an act of faith. I (Arterburn) never had strong faith in God until I trusted Him with my money. Once my faith was strong enough to let go of the money, I could grow spiritually as never before.

Giving to God first is a real test of motives. It is an act of faith that strengthens commitment at every other level. Giving is often the first step in moving out of merely believing into taking action. If the motive is to get more money, money will master the heart and rob the greedy of any relationship with God.

7. Salvation by works.—I can work my way to heaven.
Many live a driven life because of some event in the past, some terrible secret they fear would spark rejection if revealed to others. In this cover-up mode where the inside is dirty, they try to clean up the outside so it looks spotless. Driven workers impose their standards on the rest of the family.

8. Spiteful God.—Problems in my life result from some particular sin. All problems are not results of sin; many are simply results of reality. Pain is often a result of sin, but not necessarily a punishment for it. Problems can result from poor decisions, negative circumstances, and the fact that we live in an imperfect world.

God does not “zap” us each time we choose to sin, but if we partake in sinful behavior, we may in effect be zapping ourselves!

9. Slavery of the faithful.—I must not stop meeting other’s needs. There must be a balance. Life is wonderful when it is spent serving others, but carried to an extreme, it can become a compulsive act rather than an act of compassion.

Christ took time to eat, to rest, to pray. He spent time alone away from the crowds. He could not go on until his own needs were met.

10. Irrational submission. —I must always submit to authority. Certain things are wrong. Submission to authority both protects and liberates. When children submit to parents, they are protected. The experience of a husband/wife submitting to each other is liberating, not confining. Submitting to a husband, wife, boss, parent, etc, mirrors our relationship with God and helps us grow closer to Him.

When God’s work is compromised or when a person’s life or limb is at stake, submission must give way to responsible confrontation.

11. Christian inequality.—God uses only spiritual giants. It seems God uses “spiritual giants” despite their flaws. David, Samson, Paul, Peter, etc. God’s chosen people Israel messed up and God always found a way back for them.

12. Passivity.—Having true faith means waiting for God to help me and doing nothing until he does. This belief lays the foundation for laziness and disasters. Sometimes we wait for God to do what God is waiting for us to do. Too often, the real truth is people are failing to take responsibility or action. God wants an active faith. Our relationship with God is stretched during uncomfortable times when we must act beyond our comfort zones.

We must take action and do those things within our power and trust God to do those things not in our power.

13. Biblical exclusivity. —If it’s not in the Bible, it isn’t relevant. A person should do nothing that opposes God’s Word, but it doesn’t mean every behavior or insight into life is going to be found in Scripture. We must figure out some things for ourselves; when we do, we should base our figuring on the foundations of Scripture. If we don’t start with that foundation, we are victims of the crowd and the mood of current thought. Some ministries want to play physician, counselor, and parent to the flock. Is your faith based on godly truth or is it based on a “make it up as you go” philosophy?

14. Heavenly matchmaking. —God will find me a perfect mate. We must go from a faith in a one time event that would fix our problems for life, to a life of work that helps us grow toward each other and a solid faith in God. Toxic faith always has an element of quick fix and once and for all thinking. If you realize that all marriages require effort, you are more likely to get busy, go to work, and create a great marriage.

15. Pollyanna perspective.—Everything that happens to me is good. None of our problems may be good, but God uses them for our good. God will take the crisis and make it a faith building experience. God allows bad things. He does not cause them.

16. Bulletproof faith.—A strong faith will protect me from problems and pain. Bad things do happen to good people and it has nothing to do with degrees of faith. Faith provides perspective, endurance and purpose through the tough times, but it will not excuse anyone from them. Let God use your pain to bring you closer to Him. It doesn’t have to be a barrier to God. It can be a bridge.

17. Vindictive God. —God hates sinners, is angry with me, and wants to punish me. Because one’s concept of God is frequently shaped by the relationship with our father, having unresolved feelings about a father can poison a relationship with God. Until the father issues are resolved, the God issues remain to cloud faith.

Sin may produce dire consequences. These should not be mistaken for God’s anger. God has created an ordered world where a distinct relationship between cause and effect exists. As a church and as Christians, we should communicate love and compassion. That does not mean we have to compromise what we believe. Our standards don’t have to change. All that needs changing is our attitude toward people who are hurting and confused and in need of encouragement. We must hate not the sinner, but the sin.

It’s hard to differentiate between problems we cause and problems that come as God’s discipline. The key to understanding both is God’s love and great desire to help us grow toward Him in faith.

18. Mortal Christ.—Christ was merely a great teacher. Believing Christ is one of many great teachers is far different from accepting Him as the Savoir of the world. Christ is Lord, liar, or lunatic.

19. Impersonal God. —God is too big to care about me. God cares for people individually and he will reveal himself to each of us if we will allow him to do so. An absent father is almost always a guarantee for a belief in an absent God who is too busy to care. God tries to make himself known through meeting personal needs.

20. Divinely ordained happiness.—More than anything else. God wants me to be happy. God’s primary goal is not for us to be happy. Trusting in God will allow pain to be transformed into joy which is a deeper richer experience than happiness. The search for happiness apart from God always ends in ruin. The truth is, when you search for something more meaningful, happiness develops as a by-product.

Pain can be a great motivator to draw us closer to God.
Happiness can be obtained alone. Joy requires teamwork with God.
Happiness is always fleeting. Joy can grow over time.
As we grow in wisdom that produces a lasting joy, we are less satisfied to return to those childlike behaviors that provide cheap thrills and instant relief.

21. Possibility of gaining the divine.—I can become God. The “you are perfect” and “you are God” mentality keeps me from developing a relationship with God. When we accept Jesus’ perfect sacrifice and the power through his Spirit into our lives, we no longer need to fake it or convince ourselves we can be who only God is.

The Bible, God’s Cleansing Agent.
In its untainted form, the Bible is the means by which faith in God is developed. Faith in God cannot be developed without knowing God’s Word.

To detoxify the mind and purify faith, God’s Word is the cleansing agent.